Hi everyone! Thanks for stopping by to see us again this week! Today we’re wrapping up our series “Homeschooling with ADHD” by talking about the non-ADHD children in the family.
Since children with ADHD can be extremely unpredictable, it’s easy to spend an entire day just helping them to manage their emotions, work on their impulses, and communicate their feelings. Before you know it, your children who don’t have ADHD have gone an entire day without spending any meaningful time with you.
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Challenges for Parents
It’s not that we don’t love those children as much as our special needs kids. It’s that they don’t seem to need as much hands-on attention as the others. While this can be a huge help on the days when your ADHD kids are really struggling, it can also leave those children feeling neglected.
In our family, Tigger (our oldest child) has ADHD. We suspect that Roo (our youngest boy) also has it as well. On top of that, we have Piglet (the seven-month old) who naturally needs a lot of care.
Pooh (our oldest boy), though, does not seem to have ADHD, at least as far as we can tell. He’s capable of long periods of concentration and he can sit still very well for a four-year-old. He’s also very deliberate in his actions, often taking time to think something out before he speaks or acts.
These qualities are great assets to our family, but they can also make it seem as if he’s self-sufficient. But he’s not self-sufficient. He’s a four-year-old boy who needs his parents’ time and attention just like the other children.
Making Time for Your Non-ADHD Kids
When Jay worked away from home, I would be so overwhelmed with the other three children that I’d simply forget to spend time with him. Inside, I’d be grateful that he could keep himself entertained for long periods of time, because it freed me up to care for the other kids.
But I started to forget that he needed me, even if he never said it. One of the first things he told me after Jay started working from home was that he’d been wanting to spend time with me for a while, which made me feel terrible.
So I’m learning to accommodate him just as much as our special needs kids. I stop now and talk to him separately from the others. I show him regular affection during the day. I’ve even scheduled specific times where the two of us do activities together.
Jay spends a lot of time working with him and teaching him everyday. Interestingly, his temper tantrums (which had become an almost daily occurrence) have practically stopped. He just needed us to slow down and remember that he needs attention too, even if it doesn’t look like it.
How do you spread your time between all of your children? Have you used any specific strategies to make sure your non-ADHD kids get what they need from you? Share your suggestions with us in the comments!
Related Posts:
- Homeschooling with ADHD: Adapting as a Teacher
- Homeschooling with ADHD: Making Lifestyle Changes
- Homeschooling with ADHD: Preparing Kids to Learn
- Homeschooling with ADHD: Managing Expectations
I so agree. In my past life I worked with special needs kids and it was great but we spent a lot of time including and making the mainstream siblings feeling just as special. It is easy to lose a quiet child in the hustle and bustle of a noisy day and that is only compounded by adding a special needs child into the equation. Both of our kids have lots of needs but my son is more confident and, therefore, way more vocal about getting his needs met. My daughter expects to be pushed aside and would never complain.
When they first came home for adoption we struggled to find a way to draw her into the family and she needed a massive amount of support.
Now we do a lot of turn-taking. Also we deliberately do a lot of one to one with them both. If one child is struggling with a subject we either let the other child help or give the the struggler some more time with a topic.
It is a hard balance and we don’t always get it right because our princess is so quiet when she doesn’t feel she can seek attention that sometimes I forget and that makes me feel terrible. Fortunately, with time she is getting way better at standing up for herself. I don’t know what it will happen when they are both vocal!!
Sometimes we don’t get it right because the children both need a lot at the same time. How you manage that with four, I do not know but I stand in awe.
I like this series.
Thanks so much! But my husband is extremely involved as a father and that helps a lot. If it wasn’t for him, I’d be in the corner weeping most of the day…lol. It’s so easy to let the quieter kids “go” and focus on the high needs ones, but they definitely need mommy just as much. Parenting is both the most rewarding and the most demanding job in the world.
having another adult is great. nice blessing. You can join me in my corner! lol.