Positive discipline is a parenting style that encourages the use of positive language and redirection when teaching children. I was very new to the idea of finding positive ways to discipline my kids, so I have truly appreciated the following five tips for using positive discipline with my kids.
When we use positive discipline, we focus on teaching our kids what to do, instead of what not to do. It’s funny, but until I started watching my language, I didn’t realize how much of my conversation with my kids was negative. “Don’t do that.” “Stop it!” “You can’t do that!” What child wants to obey a parent like that?
So – I’m sharing five of the positive discipline parenting tips I’ve appreciated today, as well as other resources for parents who want to take the negative talk out of their relationship with their kids.
Why I Love Positive Discipline Parenting
As a mom to four high-energy kids (and some with special needs), I found myself saying “NO” quite a lot. In fact, if I had a dime for every time I uttered the word “No”, I’d have a lot of dimes. While it’s good for kids to understand how to respond to “no”, using that word as the basis of your parenting can make it hard to parent with joy. I know this from experience.
The book Positive Discipline A-Z: 1001 Solutions to Everyday Parenting Problems
has been extremely helpful to me. Before I read the book, I had never thought about how to reframe discipline in positive terms, so the fact that I could do so in any situation was eye-opening.
When I apply the suggestions in the book (and there are a lot of them), I feel happier and more peaceful. Knowing that I have an action plan in place to deal with behavior issues and disobedience makes it much easier to anticipate problems and deal with them before they become too much to handle.
Positive Discipline Parenting Suggestions
I’m not going to give away the whole book. With over 1,000 suggestions, I couldn’t if I wanted to. 🙂 But here are five of my favorite tips from Positive Discipline A-Z:
- ADD/ADHD: “Be willing to help your child according to his or her needs based on what your child actually does as opposed to what may be expected for his or her age group or intelligence level…Do not punish your child for not being ‘normal’.”
- Bedtime: “Be available during the bedtime routine…instead of trying to do ten other things. One reason children seek more attention is that they haven’t received a good dose of your full attention.”
- Interrupting: “If your child has been waiting all day to play with you, when you come home from work (or are doing work from home) ignore the chores and spend fifteen minutes having fun with her or ask her to work with you.” (This works! I’ll be sharing a future post about this.)
- Listening: “If you want your kids to listen more, it is important to use fewer words. Say what you mean as succinctly as possible and then follow through with actions.”
- Values and manners: “Model the values you want to teach. If you want children to learn respect, be respect and respect yourself.”
Other Positive Discipline Parenting Resources:
- Parenting Style: Reactive or Proactive? – Childhood 101
- Peaceful Parenting: One Day at a Time – Lemon Lime Adventures
- Are You Causing Your Toddler to Misbehave? – Pick Any Two
- How to Deal with Tantrums – JW.org
- Positive Parenting Solutions for a Yell-Free Summer – A Mom with a Lesson Plan
- The Day I Realized I Was Bullying My Kids – Creative with Kids
For even more parenting tips, follow my “Parenting with Joy” board on Pinterest!
Follow Selena @ Look! We’re Learning!’s board Parenting with Joy on Pinterest.
Are you practicing positive discipline parenting with your kids? Do you have any suggestions to share? Let us know in the comments!
This post is part of the “Mama’s Best Parenting Books” Blog Hop hosted by B-Inspired Mama! Let’s face it. As moms, we barely have time to function, much less wade through a sea of parenting advice. Here you’ll find the best of the best parenting book recommendations from fellow mamas! To see even more great posts about parenting, check out the list of fabulous bloggers who are participating!
The Explosive Child (B-Inspired Mama)
Wiring Kids for Success in Life (Trilingual Mama)
The Contented Toddler Years + Routines: The Contented Little Me Says ‘Why’ (Words n Needles)
Discipline Without Distress (One Time Through)
Mom’s House, Dad’s House + Parenting Through Divorce (Lemon Lime Adventures)
Positive Discipline A-Z + 5 Tips for Positive Discipline Parenting (Look! We’re Learning!)
Real Boys (The Jenny Evolution)
Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids (Dirt & Boogers)
Smart Parenting for Smart Kids (Planet Smarty Pants)
Raising Unselfish Children in a Self-Absorbed World – A Parenting Book About Teaching Kids to Serve (This Reading Mama)
Bilingual is Better + Foreign Language for Preschoolers (Camilla and Roman)
Awakening Children’s Minds and Raising the Emotionally Intelligent Child – Emotionally Intelligent Parenting (Line Upon Line Learning)
Potty Training in a Weekend (Words n Needles)
The Out-of-Sync Child – The Ultimate Sensory Processing Disorder Resource (Sensory Activities for Kids)
12 MORE Books for Moms (Teach Beside Me)
Thank you so much for including our positive parenting series. We try really hard to follow this every day, but it is not always easy. You have a great resource here!
No, it is definitely NOT easy to do this every day. But I’m trying to remember that when I’m frustrated, it’s generally because of something else that’s going on. It’s usually not just the kids. So it’s not their fault that I’m irritated. Sigh. Baby steps, right? 🙂
Thanks for your post.
I notice when working with my special needs nephew that if an adult talks about punishment, he tends to get overwhelmed and too upset to behave better.
Instead I tried to help him calm down and then catch him doing well and tell him I noticed.
Punishment is such a terrible motivator! A lot of us were raised that way and turned out “just fine”, but there are so many better ways to encourage children to do their best.
Thanks for visiting!
This is great advice! I was raised with mostly positive discipline myself, so I find that a lot of the basics come naturally to me…but my son (now 9) has challenged me anyway; he is very argumentative and persistent and good at acting offended when we question his choices!
One of the simplest tips that’s worked best for me is this: When you want the kids to stop being so noisy, make your own voice very quiet. (This is an example of demonstrating what you want instead of what you don’t want.) If a kid can’t hear you over the noise, move in front of him or touch his shoulder to get his attention.
Some more of my best discipline strategies are in this article:
http://articles.earthlingshandbook.org/2013/04/24/what-to-do-when-your-child-witnesses-bad-discipline/
Thanks for promoting positive discipline! I feel that it was crucial in helping me grow into a person who is able to control my own behavior even when my parents (and other authorities) aren’t watching.
I completely agree about using quiet voices. If I’m shouting, naturally my kids are going to shout in return. I can’t fault them for that. We definitely have to model the behavior we want them to show.
Thanks for visiting!
I will have to check out that book, thanks. Just pinned!
Thanks for visiting!
What great tips. If only more parents would learn that screaming and yelling just brings down the kids spirits. We have been using positive discipline for many years with our 6 children and the people they are becoming as they are growing up is amazing. They will now have friends that need redirection and the kids have learned how to help them do it!
That’s so true. When we berate our kids, we make them feel that they’re “bad” or “unlovable”, which is a real shame. We should be trying to motivate them to improve, not guilt them into doing what we want. In fact, that’s pretty much the definition of bullying.
So glad to hear that positive discipline is working for you! 🙂
This is a great reminder. I especially like the one about bedtime, although it applies to so many other times of the day as well! Great to find you through Thoughtful Thursdays!
I know, right? And the bedtime tip is sooo simple! Just give them a short period of undivided attention and they’re generally happy as clams afterward.
Thanks for visiting!
What great tips – we can all use help becoming the best parent we can be. In our house, we never yell in anger (just squeals of delight, ’round here). I never understood why that would work, so it’s not something we’ve ever done.
I will say that I’ve learned that my little one not only mirrors our actions, but can pick up on our moods very well. It’s a daily reminder to put my best foot forward and mindfully parent.
Thank you for sharing this at the #SHINEBlogHop this morning, Selena.
It’s wonderful that you refuse to shout in your family. That’s an excellent example for your kids to follow. And mindful parenting really does make all the difference. When we have a clear intention about our actions, we make better decisions.
Thanks for visiting! 🙂
Great tips!! I know that when my little ones want my attention and I have time, I will give it to them. If I am busy, I always try to give them a real time slot, and then I have to be sure to follow through. If I say 5 minutes, then I stick to it. I also think listening is so important. These are great tips. Thank you!
I totally agree. We need to keep our word with our kids. If we say we’ll play with them at 10:00, then we need to follow through on that. Otherwise, we’re teaching them that they’re unimportant to us and that we’re ultimately untrustworthy. I’ve had to make some serious changes in that area, but I can already see improvement – in them and me.
Thanks for visiting! 🙂
Stopping by to say I loved the post and will be featuring it on this week’s Hearts for Home Blog Hop. Thanks for linking up last week.
(blueshutters.org)
Thank you so much for the feature! 🙂
Thank you for these great suggestions Selena. I’ve been working on not saying no all the time to my kids. I totally agree with you that spending one on one time every day with each child is so important. I find that is the most important part of my day since I am a work from home mom. The juggle can be so hard some days, especially since my husband works such long hours that sometimes during the week I feel like a single mother.
That book looks great and I am sure I will be able to get a lot from it, thanks for the suggestion!