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The Great Homeschool Public School Experiment: Breaking the News

December 15, 2014 by Selena Robinson 3 Comments

As you all know, we made the decision to put our kids in public school last month. After homeschooling for six years, it was … a difficult transition to say the least. Our kids had never stepped into a school before and their only ideas of what school is like came from TV, so they had no idea what to expect.

Personally, I waffled back and forth on the decision to enroll them for months, so I waited until we were really sure to break the news. It still did not go well.

Here’s the first installment in our series: The Great Homeschool Public School Experiment! Today, we’re talking about how we broke the news of our new public school experience to the kids.

Image: archideaphoto / Dollar Photo Club

Breaking the Public School News to Our Kids

I actually decided to tell Tigger first. She’s the oldest and I thought that if I told her in advance, she’d put on a brave face for her younger brothers. That turned out to be a good idea.

Her first reaction was to cry. She told me she was afraid, because she thought the other kids would be mean to her. I told her that she’d probably have a few mean kids, but that most kids would probably just be unsure since they didn’t know her (and because she was starting in the middle of the year). Of course, fourth grade is a difficult time for kids anyway, so she had a lot of questions and doubts, but by the time we started, she was looking forward to it.

Pooh, our six-year-old, responded with “THIS IS A CATASTROPHE!” (He actually said that…lol.) He really, really, really did not want to go at all. Ironically, he ended up adjusting the fastest, so go figure.

Roo was kind of nervous, but also kind of excited. He’s in Kindergarten, which is an awesome time to go to public school for the first time. If I could go back to any point in my childhood, it would probably be Kindergarten.

Personally, I had been dreading breaking the news to the kids for weeks. But it turned out that telling them about our new homeschool public school experiment was the easiest part of the entire process. The harder parts were still to come. 🙂

Next week, I’ll talk about the next part of our experiment: School Shopping!

Is Multitasking Bad for Moms?

December 8, 2014 by Selena Robinson 4 Comments

Hey, mom! Take a quick second to look at your life. What are you doing right now? Are you reading this post while talking on the phone? Or waiting in a parked car? Or eating? (Please tell me you’re not reading this post while driving.)

It’s no secret that all of us are busier than ever before. Between the demands of modern parenting, taking care of our homes, working (from home or away), going to school (for some of us), homeschooling (for some of us), and attempting to maintain our health, it seems as if moms never get a break. And if you have more than one child, all of those responsibilities are doubled, tripled, quadrupled, or more.

Interestingly, if you Google the phrase “multitasking”, the first few results are from articles that present evidence that multitasking can actually impair our ability to perform tasks well. If so, we might have to ask the question: Is multitasking bad for moms?

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Is Multitasking Bad for Moms?

How Multitasking Can Take a Toll on Your Health

For starters, it’s a good idea to look at how multitasking may be affecting your life. Personally, I started to notice the differences in my health first. When I was homeschooling the kids, working, and going to school full-time, I started to rely on fast food, pre-packaged junk, and constant snacking. Unsurprisingly, I gained about 10 pounds. Also unsurprisingly, my sleeping habits suffered, which turned me into Mom-Hulk. (“You didn’t do your copywork! MOM SMASH!”)

The house suffered as well. I didn’t keep up with the chores, which led to the formation of Mount Laundry atop our washing machine. I couldn’t even remember the last time I prepared an actual meal for my family. I also started to lose my memory. I would lose my train of thought when speaking or forget what I was going to do when I walked into a room. I’m 31, by the way.

Want an even bigger jolt? Some researchers think that chronic multitasking can actually trigger ADHD in adults, which may explain a lot about my life as an ADHD mom.

Is Multitasking Really More Efficient?

I also found that in my attempts to multitask, I ended up taking longer to do each thing. For example, I’d sit down to outline a post for the blog, then I’d check in on one of the kids’ school lessons and end up getting sidetracked by a question or two (or six) and another child’s tantrum, then Piglet would need a diaper change, and, before I knew it, it was time to make lunch. Sometimes I wouldn’t come back to the computer until after the kids went to bed.

If I had just sat down and written the post, I could have been done in 20 minutes or so. Instead, it took me nearly 12 hours! Plus, I worried about it all day, which made me irritable and short-tempered with everyone I dealt with, including my kids. That, my friends, is neither an effective use of my time nor a way to be a good mama.

What to Do Instead

So, if we shouldn’t multitask, how are we ever supposed to get all this stuff done? Short answer: We can’t. We were never meant to do ALL of these things at once and trying to do it is killing us. So, we have to simplify. For me, that meant taking a break from homeschooling and cutting down on work, so I could get the rest I need, take care of our home properly, and be attentive to my kids and my husband.

Another way to avoid the tendency to multitask is to devote a set amount of time to each task, if possible. I like to use the Pomodoro Method, which is to work on one thing for 25 minutes, then take a five minute break. To keep myself on task, I use the free program Instant Boss. And, I have to say, now that I’m trying to slow down, simplify, and be more intentional about what I do, I’m actually beginning to find joy in the “small” things again, such as making breakfast for my family, sewing, and even writing on this blog.

What do you think? Is multitasking bad for moms? Are you a chronic multi-tasker? Do you think it’s helping your parenting or hurting it? Let us know in the comments!

Why I Decided to Take a Homeschooling Break

December 3, 2014 by Selena Robinson 15 Comments

If I was to sum up the last ten years of my life as a parent in one word, it would probably be “homeschooling“. We planned to homeschool Tigger as soon as we found out we were pregnant and we’ve stuck with it from the very beginning.

But ….

Last month, we decided to put our three oldest kids in public school. Everybody gasp with me! GASP.

Like a lot of homeschooling mothers, I’ve thought about public school a few times before but this is the first time I’ve actually gone through with enrolling them. And it was hard. A lot harder than I thought it would be.

Still, I know it was the right decision for our family. For now. Here’s why I decided to take a homeschooling break.

Why I Decided to Take a Homeschooling Break

1. I was no longer a happy homeschooling mom.

For the past year and a half, I’ve been juggling homeschooling, working, and going to college full-time. During my first two semesters, my husband was unemployed, which was a huge reason why I went back to school in the first place.

This fall semester (ending this week! Yay!) has been the first time I’ve tried to juggle all three while he’s had a job. It. Has. Not. Been. Fun. I’ve been stressed for the last 15 weeks straight. I couldn’t even concentrate on teaching school to my kids, because I was so worried about my own (often rushed at the last-minute) assignments.

2. My ADHD was becoming a real problem.

I’ve always had a lot of things going at one time. I was brought up that way and I’d done it so long that I didn’t know there was another way to live. Since I have ADHD, I tend to get bored quickly and want to move on to something else.

Here’s the problem: You cannot do that when you have to take care of a home and raise children with consistent values. Boredom is not an excuse to skip lessons for a week (or a month), let dishes pile up in the sink, or overlook a tantrum. I had gotten to the point where it was either: A) put my kids in public school so I’d have a little time to clear my head or B) try medication. And, for me, medication is the absolute final last resort.

3. I didn’t want my kids to get the wrong idea of motherhood.

Most importantly, though, I began to feel that I was giving my kids the wrong perception of motherhood. Moms shouldn’t be stressed out and frazzled, because they have too much going on at once. And we certainly shouldn’t treat our kids as if they’re inconveniences, which is what was happening to me. I mean, what’s the point of keeping them home with me if I’m biting their heads off every time they ask a question?

Here is an example of an actual exchange between me and Pooh:

Pooh: *loudly from down the hall* “Mama?”

Me: *working* “WHAT?????!!!???!!!”

Pooh: “Can I….”

Me: “STOP CALLING ME! GOD!!!!!”

Pooh: *sadly* “Yes, mom.”

(I’ve since apologized. Fortunately, he’d forgotten about it. But it was not one of my proudest moments as a parent.)

That is not the mother I want to be. And I decided that being a happy mom was more important than being a homeschooling mom. Right now, I can be one or the other but not both. And my husband, wonderful supportive spouse that he is, was open to it from the beginning.

Btw, I’ll be blogging about our transition and some of the adjustments we’ve had to make along the way. And I’ll keep sharing great educational unit studies, lesson plans, printables, and more! I have Piglet with me during the day and she’ll be starting tot school soon, so I’ll have plenty to share for preschoolers in the upcoming months. Plus, I’ll be making activities and lessons to use with the kids during breaks and summer vacation. So if you’re a fan of our resources, they’re not going anywhere. 🙂

Have any of you ever considered taking a homeschooling break? What made you decide to? Or what made you decide not to? Let us know in the comments!

How Homeschooling Improved Our Family Life

November 4, 2014 by Selena Robinson Leave a Comment

We’ve been homeschooling for six years now…and we’re about to make a huge transition in our family. (I’ll be talking about that in an upcoming post.) But there’s no doubt that homeschooling has changed our family life….for the better.

Since most of us have ADHD, homeschooling has been a challenge but it’s also been a true blessing to our family. We’ve had fun, we’ve had fights, and we’ve had freedom to learn from and with each other.

Recently, I got the chance to share a bit about how homeschooling has improved our family life over at TOTS Family. Be sure to stop by and check out the post: How Homeschooling Has Improved Our Family Life to read more!

How Homeschooling Improved Our Family Life – TOTS Family

Sifting Through the Different Types of ADHD

October 5, 2014 by Selena Robinson 6 Comments

Did you know there are different types of ADHD? It’s true! Unfortunately, the names of these might differ, depending on who you ask, which can be confusing. For example, is it ADHD or ADD? Are they same?

I’ve been reading the book “Healing ADD” by Dr. Daniel Amen off and on for the past couple of months and it. is. excellent. I literally cannot say this enough. It is an excellent book about ADHD/ADD. In the book, Dr. Amen describes seven types of ADD. He also uses ADD to encompass ADHD, and in this post I will use both terms interchangeably.

As I read “Healing ADD”, I found almost every member of my family, which was both enlightening and horrifying. We had no idea it was this widespread in our home. But it also explained a lot.

If you’re beginning the process of homeschooling your children with ADHD, you’ll want to take the time to sort through the different types of ADHD before you decide on a homeschooling method. Otherwise, you’ll have to go back to the drawing board multiple times. (Ask me how I know.)

The Different Types of ADHD/ADD

In “Healing ADD”, Dr. Amen describes seven types of ADD/ADHD. I’ve added a very brief description of each one.

Classic – the stereotypical person with ADD or ADHD
Inattentive – the daydreamer
Overfocused – the one-track mind
Temporal Lobe – the hothead
Limbic – the loner
Ring of Fire – the intense one
Anxious – the worrier

Here’s the problem: If you have a family with multiple ADHD members (like ours), you may have to deal with several types of ADD at once. For example, my husband tends toward anxious ADD and I tend toward overfocused ADD. Needless to say, we’ve had quite a few incidences of miscommunication over the years.

We’ve seen variations in our kids’ types of ADHD as well. Tigger has classic ADD, complete with hyperactivity, but Roo displays Ring of Fire ADD. He has extremely intense emotions and he is very easily frustrated. Until I read the book, I was under the impression that Pooh did not have ADHD at all. But then I learned about limbic ADD and that is him to a T.

Adapting to Your Child’s Type of ADHD

Here’s why it’s so important to understand your child’s type of ADHD: If you intend to homeschool, you will have a miserable experience if you choose a method that does not fit with the way your child’s brain works. This is especially true if multiple members of the family have ADHD, because the likelihood that all will have the same type of ADHD is very low.

In our family, Pooh has limbic ADHD, so he is moody, irritable, and generally negative. He needs a very different homeschooling approach than Roo and Tigger. They need far more activity than he does, and, in fact, he generally prefers a solitary activity over P.E. (We’ll talk more about developing a homeschooling approach for the ADHD child later in the series.)

Have you noticed any symptoms of these different types of ADHD in your family? How have you adjusted to them? Let us know in the comments!

This post is part of the series “31 Days of ADHD Homeschooling“! Be sure to stop by tomorrow for Day 6: Creating an ADHD Friendly Routine for Kids!

Why ADHD Parents Should Let Go of the Homeschooling Ideal

October 3, 2014 by Selena Robinson 6 Comments

When you first thought of “homeschooling“, what did you envision? I talked about my homeschooling dream a few months back when I shared my Homeschool Mom Confession at The Mommy Mess. In short, it was to have all of my kids sitting quietly at the dining room table – kind of like the one-room schoolhouse in Anne of Green Gables.

Naturally, this is an unrealistic fantasy, so I wasn’t surprised that it didn’t come true. But while I dropped the more ridiculous aspects of my ideal homeschooling experience, I was still hoping for a certain homeschooling reality. I’d settle for completing an entire week’s lesson plan or finishing a picture book without my kids getting up or standing on their heads.

Finding out that our kids have ADHD, though, threw a real monkey wrench in my plans for our homeschool. I tried lowering my expectations and reducing our schedule, but I still had a hard time dealing with our situation. I found out the hard way that, if our homeschooling experience was going to be a success, I’d have to let go of the homeschooling “ideal”.

Dealing with the Sadness

My first feeling after the diagnosis was sadness. I was sad that my kids were never going to be “normal”, because I felt that they should be able to sit down for an entire school lesson and they should be able to think before they speak. I worried that other parents would look at me as an example of what homeschooling should NOT look like.

Then, there was the guilt that I felt after I realized that many of my primary parenting techniques were unfair to my kids. I had been unfair by expecting them to sit down and maintain focus during a lesson. I had been unfair by assuming that they were being disobedient when they forgot their assignments or got distracted on the way back to the table after a bathroom break. Those realizations were extremely hard to deal with.

Looking on the Bright Side

It wasn’t until I started reading about ADHD that I learned that there are positive aspects of having it. Our kids are extremely imaginative, which is a quality that can serve them extremely well both in school and in life. Plus, kids with ADHD tend to become super passionate about the topics that interest them, so the ability to focus is there if the subject is right.

The great thing about homeschooling is that we have TONS of leeway when it comes to deciding how to approach specific topics. When I use a unit study about a topic the kids like, they get excited and interested and they stay that way throughout the whole lesson. My boys are even asking to read books during their free time now, just because I started letting them choose books about topics they like. Bugs, cars, and trains are at the top of the list these days. 🙂

As an homeschooling parent to an ADHD child, it’s very easy to burn out and lose motivation to continue. The fastest way to burn out is to expect your kids to be like the ideal homeschooled kids. They may not graduate at 15. They may not read until they’re in elementary school. And they may not even potty train until they’re in PreK.

But that’s just fine. As long as you help them love to learn and adjust to their needs, they’ll still be homeschooling success stories!

This post is part of the month-long series “31 Days of ADHD Homeschooling“! Be sure to stop by tomorrow for Day 4: Understanding Your Child’s ADHD Brain!

Must Read Books for ADHD Homeschooling Parents

October 2, 2014 by Selena Robinson 2 Comments

When I first learned that our daughter had ADHD, I was full of questions: What is ADHD? What are the treatment options for ADHD? Should I change my parenting style? Can we manage ADHD without medication?

I Googled and poked around some online sites and found a few great ones (I’ll be sharing those later in the series), but what I really wanted was a comprehensive book about ADHD that would explain the condition, let me know what to expect, and offer suggestions for how we could help Tigger manage her symptoms.

Of course, now that we’ve learned that most of us in the family have ADHD, I’ve had to do even more reading about it. Today I’m recommending my must-read books for ADHD homeschooling parents, but even if you’re not a homeschooling family, you’ll find some excellent advice and tips for managing ADHD in these resources.

My Must-Read Books for ADHD Homeschooling Parents

Healing ADD Revised Edition: The Breakthrough Program that Allows You to See and Heal the 7 Types of ADD

This book by Dr. Daniel Amen has literally been a life changer for our family. In the book, Dr. Amen describes seven types of ADD, including hyper and inattentive versions. We found each of us in this book and we learned about the types of behaviors that are unique to each type.

For example, Tigger tends to show classic ADD symptoms, complete with hyperactivity, while Pooh displays the characteristics of limbic ADD – a type I had never heard of before. It was after reading this book that I decided to adjust our homeschool schedule to allow for a more gradual wake up routine in the morning.

We’ll be talking more about the different types of ADHD later this week.

Raising Girls with ADHD: Secrets for Parenting Healthy, Happy Daughters

Raising Girls with ADHD is a book specifically about helping young girls with the condition to understand their symptoms, manage their behavior, and build self-esteem. Tigger’s dealt with low self-esteem quite a lot over the years, especially when it comes to some of her harder school subjects, so this book was right up our alley!

Look for our full review and a giveaway later this month! 🙂

The Out-of-Sync Child Has Fun, Revised Edition: Activities for Kids with Sensory Processing Disorder

Since some of our children have sensory processing disorder, we try to incorporate sensory activities whenever possible. This book, a follow up to The Out-of-Sync Child, is packed with active, sensory-stimulating activities that are simple to do around the house. These activities have provided some great material for our homeschool P.E. classes!

Women With Attention Deficit Disorder: Embrace Your Differences and Transform Your Life

I came across this book as I was just beginning to realize that I have ADHD. The author, Sari Solden, is also a woman living with ADD and she is incredibly compassionate and relatable as she describes the challenges and advantages of living with this condition.

As a homeschooling mom, I do the majority of the parenting and the teaching in our home and I really needed some help to understand my tendencies toward disorganization and procrastination. This book has really helped me to work with those tendencies, instead of trying to be “normal”.

The Ultimate Guide to Brain Breaks

This ebook, written by homeschooling mom Heather Haupt, is a great way to add movement breaks into your homeschool day! We got a chance to review it a while back and our kids absolutely loved it! We schedule in brain breaks every day and the kids pay attention so much better after we take them.

Do you have any favorite books for ADHD homeschooling parents? Share your recommendations in the comments!

This post is part of our “31 Days of ADHD Homeschooling” series! Be sure to stop by tomorrow for Day 3: Why ADHD Parents Should Let Go of the Homeschooling Ideal!

This post is also part of The Massive Guide to Homeschool Reading Lists by iHomeschool Network! Click over to read tons of awesome booklists shared by my fellow homeschooling bloggers!

All Touched Out: Managing SPD Tactile Seeking Symptoms

October 1, 2014 by Selena Robinson 16 Comments

Two of our children are living with sensory processing disorder. Since SPD is such a broad disorder, it can involve all kinds of symptoms that affect every sensory system of the body. One of the biggest issues for both of our kids is SPD tactile seeking. (By the way, tactile is just a fancy word for touch.)

Tigger and Roo are huge tactile seekers. They always have their hands on things around the house. I mean, ALWAYS. When Tigger was younger, we would say “Stop touching!” so many times each day that I’d lose count.

It wasn’t until I started reading about SPD that I realized they were seeking tactile input. I just thought we hadn’t done a good job of teaching them to be polite. And then we noticed variations in their behavior. Tigger tends to touch things very lightly, but Roo uses an enormous amount of pressure. Those variations made it hard for me to know how to treat each child.

Over time, though, we’ve learned to offer sensory experiences for our kids and we’ve seen their behaviors improve quite a lot. Today I’m sharing a few tips we’ve used to help our kids manage their SPD tactile seeking symptoms!

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Tips for Managing SPD Tactile Seeking Behavior

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Don’t overreact.

This tip is probably the most important. When you have a tactile seeking child, expect that he or she is going to try to touch every. single. thing. every. single. day. Depending on your child, he might touch things very, very softly or with tons of pressure.

When Tigger brushes up against me, it’s like being brushed with a feather. In the past, my immediate reaction was to push away, which made her feel that I didn’t want her to touch me. Now that I understand that she’s just looking for sensory input, I’m more sensitive and I let her crawl up against me as often as she likes.

Give them a safe item to touch.

If your child tends to touch things too hard (like Roo does), give them a safe item that can provide that kind of sensory input. Squeeze balls have been a big hit in our house, because Roo can grab them and squeeze them as hard as he likes without worrying about breaking them. And I’d much rather he squeeze those than his little sister. 🙂

The Ultimate Guide to Brain Breaks eBook

Engage in lots of sensory play.

Sensory play is a must for kids who exhibit SPD tactile seeking behaviors. When you engage in sensory play, the goal is to engage as many of the senses at once as possible. For example, if you make a sensory bin, you try to include colorful objects (for visual input), different textures (for tactile input), items that make noise (for auditory input), and, if possible, objects that can be tasted (for oral input).

This year, we’ve been sharing in a monthly linkup called “12 Months of Sensory Dough”, where we make a different kind of sensory dough and try it with the kids. So far, we’ve made edible play dough, fizzy dough, moon sand, pumpkin spice latte dough, and even DIY slime! When I take the time to create sensory experiences for our kids, they get the input they need without grabbing random objects.

Those are some of the tips I’ve used to help our kids manage their sensory seeking behaviors, but I’d love to hear your suggestions! Feel free to leave your experiences and tips in the comments!

SPD Solutions from Project Sensory

To help kids manage their SPD tactile seeking symptoms, a new website is launching today called Project Sensory! One of Project Sensory’s SPD products is the Sensory Fix Toolkit, a complete SPD kit in a backpack with 15 tools for managing auditory distractions, restlessness, and even oral input.

Every purchase of the toolkit includes access to Project Sensory’s exclusive printables club, where you can download printables full of sensory tips! Even better, a percentage of every Sensory Fix Toolkit goes toward supplying classrooms with sensory tools. 🙂

This post is part of the “Decoding Everyday Kid Behaviors” blog hop hosted by Lemon Lime Adventures! In honor of Sensory Processing Awareness Month, bloggers will be sharing their favorite tips for sensory processing disorder all month long! Be sure to click over and visit the hop landing page to read all of this month’s great SPD-related posts!

How to Keep a Homeschool Tantrum from Derailing Your School Day

September 24, 2014 by Selena Robinson 10 Comments

Homeschooling moms have the dual challenge of serving as parents AND teachers during the day, which means we often have to deal with a homeschool tantrum or two on occasion. Yay! Not.

When a child throws a temper tantrum, it can disrupt the entire school day. And if you’re homeschooling more than one child, it can distract the other kids from their lessons, make you angry, and throw off your whole schedule for the week. Since we’re homeschooling children with ADHD, it’s essential that we stick to our regular school schedule, so I just cannot afford to have the school day disrupted by a temper tantrum.

Today, I thought I’d share a few of the things that have worked for us in keeping a homeschool tantrum at bay. I’ll also be including a few things that did NOT work, just for comparison. 🙂

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Tips for Dealing with a Homeschool Tantrum

Find out what’s wrong. Before you even attempt to handle the tantrum, try to learn why your child is upset. Trust me, this can be difficult. Especially if they’re screaming incoherently at the time. Is your child frustrated because he can’t understand a concept? Is she feeling overwhelmed? Ask your child what’s wrong and then try to listen patiently as he explains.

What does NOT work: Shouting at your child to “Be quiet!”

Establish a regular schedule. Pooh, our oldest boy, is extremely cranky in the mornings. He tends to sleep restlessly and he frequently has night terrors. As a result, he really needs time to wake up at his own pace without being rushed. So, we decided to begin school a bit later in the day to avoid making him concentrate at an early hour. Before I realized that was a problem, he had tantrums almost every day. When we stick with the schedule, though, he rests better and he behaves better.

What does NOT work: Beginning school at a different time each morning

Keep right on teaching. This one is probably the most important. No matter what you do, continue with your lesson plan to the extent you possibly can. Naturally, if you have a kicking and screaming child in your school room, you may have to stop to remove him or her to a safe place. (I’ve had to do that on occasion.) But, if you drop your lesson plan completely, you’ve just told your child that he or she can make school “stop” by throwing a fit. Once you send that message, you’ll have a hard time teaching every day afterward.

What does NOT work: Stopping your lesson for that day

When I follow these three tips, temper tantrums in our family become minor hiccups instead of major obstacles. How do you handle homeschool tantrums? Do you have any suggestions for how to manage temper tantrums while homeschooling? Let us know in the comments!

Don’t miss these other parenting and homeschooling posts!

Get more parenting tips on my Parenting with Joy board on Pinterest!

Sensory Processing Disorder Parenting: Showing Empathy

August 5, 2014 by Selena Robinson 6 Comments

Last week, I shared the beginning stages of our journey toward an official sensory processing disorder diagnosis. Today I’m passing along four sensory processing disorder parenting tips that are helping me relate to my children.

Empathy is an important part of positive parenting. When we identify with our kids’ feelings, we can adjust our parenting approach to help them sort through their emotions and follow our directions.

Even though I don’t necessarily have SPD (that I know of), I have found that I do have a few sensory issues. So, I’ve been trying to tap into those feelings to empathize with my children.

Sensory Processing Disorder Parenting Tips for Showing Empathy

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Think about how you feel when you’re overwhelmed. What sensory moments set you off or irritate you? For me, it’s lots of loud noise. When all of the kids are talking at once, I literally feel like my brain is short-circuiting. So I know that sensory overload is damaging.

Magnify your own feelings by 10 to get a sense of your child’s emotions. Even though I get irritated when my senses are overwhelmed, I can (usually) stay in control because I know what I’m doing next or because I know I have an action plan. My kids, though, don’t have that option. Naturally, their own response is not going to be as measured as mine. So why would I expect them to behave the way I do?

Accept that your children have the right to feel. This seems like a no-brainer, but it’s something we often overlook as parents. Our children are entitled to their feelings. They really are. Their feelings don’t have to make sense or meet some kind of standard for normality. We shouldn’t ever criticize or belittle what they feel, even if we don’t understand why they are reacting to something so strongly. Since kids with SPD tend to have stronger emotional responses, we need to be prepared to help them manage those feelings, not deny them.

Acknowledge your kids’ feelings before giving instructions or discipline. To help our children show obedience, we need to deal with their feelings first. Personally, I know that if I’m angry or sad, I find it very hard to follow instructions (even if they’re good for me!). My feelings are so strong that they basically block out my good sense. My kids are the same way. If they’re consumed with their feelings or sensory responses, they’re not going to be able to follow my instructions. I have to acknowledge their feelings and help them work through them before I can expect them to cooperate with direction.

Other Parenting with Empathy Resources:

Have you tried parenting with empathy? Does showing empathy make it easier for you to handle sensory processing disorder parenting struggles? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments!

Accepting the Reality of Sensory Processing Disorder

July 31, 2014 by Selena Robinson 27 Comments

Sensory processing disorder (SPD) is a somewhat controversial topic in the medical community. Some physicians, including my children’s primary physician, either do not believe that it is a real condition or they feel that it is simply a symptom of another issue.

For a while, I tended to agree with these “experts”. I had noticed a few unusual quirks in some of my kids, such as constant chewing, intentionally crashing into the floor, and seeking out upside down positions, but I felt that these were effects of their ADHD.

Because I didn’t look at SPD as a real, standalone condition, I wasn’t sensitive to the special needs of children who have it, including my own. Over the past few weeks, though, I’ve come to think differently about SPD. I’m slowly accepting the reality of sensory processing disorder and what it means for our family.

What is Sensory Processing Disorder?

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SPD is a complex condition. It generally manifests itself in either underresponsiveness (child feels too little) or overresponsiveness (child feels too much).

Kids who are underresponsive may seek out sensory input through rough play, touching everything in sight, shouting, and chewing on inedible objects. My kids fall into this category.

Kids who are overresponsive may avoid or run away from regular activities because the sound, feel, or taste of something is too strong for them to handle.

Interestingly, SPD is not a straight-line condition. Kids may be overresponsive in some areas and underresponsive in others. You can have a child who shouts at the top of his lungs all day just to get some auditory stimulation, but cries after tasting a pretzel because the texture is too hard for his mouth.

How I Knew Something Was Wrong

Now that I’m back at home with the kids on a full-time basis, some of their behaviors seem a bit more blatant than they did before. Tigger, for example, chews ALL DAY LONG. She’s chewed her fingers quite a lot over the years.

When we started helping her take care of her nails, she switched to chewing on her hair. She was even sucking her locks. I’d never seen anything like that before. We worked with her on that habit and we thought things had improved.

Then, one day after naptime, we noticed these large circular bruises on both of her arms. We were horrified. “What did you do???!!” She had been sucking on her arms before falling asleep. It seemed like when we helped her stop using one object for oral sensory input, she’d simply switch to another and another. That was when I realized we were dealing with more than just a bad habit.

I’ve read quite a few books on SPD recently and I’ll share my insights from those in an upcoming post. But, noticing that my kids were not “getting better” made me realize that SPD wasn’t going anywhere and that we’d have to deal with it in order to help our kids thrive.

Other Sensory Processing Disorder Resources

Books about Sensory Processing Disorder

Are any of you dealing with sensory processing disorder with your kids? What challenges have you faced so far? Have you had any trouble getting support from your physician or your family? We’d love to hear about your experiences in the comments.

5 Tips for Positive Discipline Parenting

July 30, 2014 by Selena Robinson 25 Comments

Positive discipline is a parenting style that encourages the use of positive language and redirection when teaching children. I was very new to the idea of finding positive ways to discipline my kids, so I have truly appreciated the following five tips for using positive discipline with my kids.

When we use positive discipline, we focus on teaching our kids what to do, instead of what not to do. It’s funny, but until I started watching my language, I didn’t realize how much of my conversation with my kids was negative. “Don’t do that.” “Stop it!” “You can’t do that!” What child wants to obey a parent like that?

So – I’m sharing five of the positive discipline parenting tips I’ve appreciated today, as well as other resources for parents who want to take the negative talk out of their relationship with their kids.

Why I Love Positive Discipline Parenting

As a mom to four high-energy kids (and some with special needs), I found myself saying “NO” quite a lot. In fact, if I had a dime for every time I uttered the word “No”, I’d have a lot of dimes. While it’s good for kids to understand how to respond to “no”, using that word as the basis of your parenting can make it hard to parent with joy. I know this from experience.

The book Positive Discipline A-Z: 1001 Solutions to Everyday Parenting Problems has been extremely helpful to me. Before I read the book, I had never thought about how to reframe discipline in positive terms, so the fact that I could do so in any situation was eye-opening.

When I apply the suggestions in the book (and there are a lot of them), I feel happier and more peaceful. Knowing that I have an action plan in place to deal with behavior issues and disobedience makes it much easier to anticipate problems and deal with them before they become too much to handle.

Positive Discipline Parenting Suggestions

I’m not going to give away the whole book. With over 1,000 suggestions, I couldn’t if I wanted to. 🙂 But here are five of my favorite tips from Positive Discipline A-Z:

ADD/ADHD: “Be willing to help your child according to his or her needs based on what your child actually does as opposed to what may be expected for his or her age group or intelligence level…Do not punish your child for not being ‘normal’.”
Bedtime: “Be available during the bedtime routine…instead of trying to do ten other things. One reason children seek more attention is that they haven’t received a good dose of your full attention.”
Interrupting: “If your child has been waiting all day to play with you, when you come home from work (or are doing work from home) ignore the chores and spend fifteen minutes having fun with her or ask her to work with you.” (This works! I’ll be sharing a future post about this.)
Listening: “If you want your kids to listen more, it is important to use fewer words. Say what you mean as succinctly as possible and then follow through with actions.”
Values and manners: “Model the values you want to teach. If you want children to learn respect, be respect and respect yourself.”

Other Positive Discipline Parenting Resources:

For even more parenting tips, follow my “Parenting with Joy” board on Pinterest!

Follow Selena @ Look! We’re Learning!’s board Parenting with Joy on Pinterest.

Are you practicing positive discipline parenting with your kids? Do you have any suggestions to share? Let us know in the comments!

This post is part of the “Mama’s Best Parenting Books” Blog Hop hosted by B-Inspired Mama! Let’s face it. As moms, we barely have time to function, much less wade through a sea of parenting advice. Here you’ll find the best of the best parenting book recommendations from fellow mamas! To see even more great posts about parenting, check out the list of fabulous bloggers who are participating!

The Explosive Child (B-Inspired Mama)
Wiring Kids for Success in Life (Trilingual Mama)
The Contented Toddler Years + Routines: The Contented Little Me Says ‘Why’ (Words n Needles)
Discipline Without Distress (One Time Through)
Mom’s House, Dad’s House + Parenting Through Divorce (Lemon Lime Adventures)
Positive Discipline A-Z + 5 Tips for Positive Discipline Parenting (Look! We’re Learning!)
Real Boys (The Jenny Evolution)
Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids (Dirt & Boogers)
Smart Parenting for Smart Kids (Planet Smarty Pants)
Raising Unselfish Children in a Self-Absorbed World – A Parenting Book About Teaching Kids to Serve (This Reading Mama)
Bilingual is Better + Foreign Language for Preschoolers (Camilla and Roman)
Awakening Children’s Minds and Raising the Emotionally Intelligent Child – Emotionally Intelligent Parenting (Line Upon Line Learning)
Potty Training in a Weekend (Words n Needles)
The Out-of-Sync Child – The Ultimate Sensory Processing Disorder Resource (Sensory Activities for Kids)
12 MORE Books for Moms (Teach Beside Me)

Saying Goodbye to Baby Shoes

July 22, 2014 by Selena Robinson 13 Comments

Piglet is 19 months old now and we are certain that our baby days are over. (I mean, everyone’s sharing a room, so yeah.) And I have to say that I am completely surprised by how difficult it’s been to get rid of her last pair of baby shoes.

These little shoes have been sitting by our garage door for the last two months. Two months. I’m supposed to put them in a bag and take them to the clothing collection box, but I just can’t seem to do it.

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Sister Bonding Ideas: Sisters Spa Day!

May 29, 2014 by Selena Robinson 6 Comments

There’s an eight-year age gap between Tigger (our oldest girl) and Piglet (our youngest girl). But we’re determined to help them form a close relationship through sister bonding ideas and experiences. My brother and I are 10 years apart and we’ve always been close, so I know that a large age difference doesn’t stand in the way of a sibling bond.

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How I Juggle Going to College and Homeschooling My Kids

April 21, 2014 by Selena Robinson 27 Comments

Good morning! College finals are fast approaching, so I took last week off from blogging to catch up on some of my last assignments for this semester. Now that I’m nearly a full year into my “back to school” experience, I thought I’d share some of the pointers I’ve picked up about how to homeschool while going back to college. Spoiler: It’s hard. 🙂

1. Insist on a regular schedule.

You’ll need at least two schedules: one for your kids’ lessons and another for your own. It’s really difficult, but it’s essential that you keep the kids on their regular homeschooling schedule. Otherwise, you’ll finish the semester and then realize that you have to do double lessons for a month to catch up on math (like I have to do with Tigger in May).

As for organizing my classes – I have an enormous binder that I use for my classes with sections for each subject and a stack of weekly planning pages in the front. At the beginning of the semester, I look through every class schedule and then write the due dates for my assignments in my planner pages. I usually do this during the first week of class before the really heavy assignments start.

I’m usually very organized at the beginning of the semester, but after spring break, it’s all downhill and I’m barely functioning by finals. That’s when the organizing I did early in the semester ends up saving me. Seeing what assignments are due several weeks in advance helps me avoid having to work on them all at once.

2. Enlist the help of your spouse.

I’ve written before about why we need supportive homeschooling spouses, and going back to college has just underscored how much I need the help of my husband. There have been many, many school days that he’s taught for me so I could go study. He has no problem cooking dinner or getting the kids ready for bed when I need to cram for a test or attend a school function.

In order for our spouses to help us out, though, we have to communicate with them. Jay and I have had several long conversations, especially this past semester, about how we can make adjustments to our schooling schedule while I’m in class. After finals, we’ll be sitting down again to see how I can revise my course load in the fall so that we can get back to learning more as a family.

3. Be flexible.

This is probably the most important tip I’ve learned about trying to go to college while homeschooling my kids. I’ve had to be open to trying new approaches almost every week. One of the choices I made was to take classes online, since that was the most flexible way for me to get my school work done.

Btw, if you are considering going back to college, I highly recommend distance learning. It’s convenient, easy to use, and adaptable for moms who are already busy during the day.

Another big part of being flexible is prioritizing. I have several interests that have had to take a backseat, especially during this past semester, including knitting, sewing, traveling, and (occasionally) blogging. But that’s life. We always have to shuffle our priorities to make sure that we’re taking care of the “more important things.” (Phil. 1:10)

I’ve even had to let go of my attempt to maintain a 4.0 GPA. In the past, I’ve done extra credit and additional assignments to make sure that my grades were perfect. As I’ve gotten older, though, I’ve learned that it’s more important to be reasonable than right. I hope that’s something I can teach my kids as well.

So, those are a few of the things I’ve learned while juggling homeschooling and going back to college! Are any of you back in school? Are you thinking about it? We’d love to hear your tips or suggestions in the comments!

This post is part of the “How Homeschool Moms Juggle” linkup at iHomeschoolNetwork! Click on over and read how our fellow bloggers juggle homeschooling and their other responsibilities such as housework, caring for a new baby, and working outside the home!

The Real Sacrifice of Motherhood

April 10, 2014 by Selena Robinson 15 Comments

I haven’t shared a personal post on here in quite a while, so I thought I’d let you all know about something that’s been on my heart lately.

When I hear people speak about motherhood and/or homeschooling, one of the words I hear the most is “sacrifice”. Quite often, I’ve heard people mention some of these sacrifices, which could include giving up a career (for some mothers), accepting the physical changes in your body (for most mothers), and sharing your time everyday (for every single mother on earth).

If you’re homeschooling, you’ll have even more sacrifices, which might involve living on a smaller income, learning to teach subjects in which you did not excel as a student, and adapting to the learning needs of your children.

But there’s another sacrifice that I’m having to make as a mother: I have to give up my feelings. Now I don’t mean my feelings about my kids, of course. But I’m having to let go of how I feel about a lot of other things so that I have room for my feelings toward my kids to grow.

Here’s what I’ve discovered about the real sacrifice of motherhood.

The Real Sacrifice of Motherhood

Before I had kids, I used to have an opinion about nearly everything under the sun.

Did that celebrity have plastic surgery?

Should the U.S. Individual Income Tax code be changed?

Is it impolite when someone holds the door open and no one says “Thank you?” (Yes, it is, by the way.)

I voiced these opinions to almost everyone I could find and I’d muster up some pretty strong emotions about all of these topics and others.

It wasn’t just small things like these, either. I had some pretty strong opinions about things that have happened in my life. I was angry about the injustices I’d experienced. I was frustrated, because so many issues had gone unresolved. And I was sad that I missed out on developing long-lasting friendships during my youth.

As I get closer to my kids, though, I’m finding that there is just no room for these feelings to continue taking up space in my heart. I’m at a point where I can either love my kids or hold onto to all those other feelings. And it’s no contest. My kids win.

Psalm 62:8 says “Trust in him at all times, O people. Pour out your hearts before him. God is a refuge for us.” (New World Translation of the Holy Scriptures) I’ve decided to take that counsel seriously and deposit all of my unresolved feelings with Jehovah God in prayer. I know that He wants me to be the best mother I can be, and I know that He will support me if I’m willing to make this sacrifice for my children.

So, that’s where I am today. But I’d love to know what sacrifices you’ve made to become mothers and/or homeschooling mothers. Feel free share your experiences below.

2014 Blogger Planner, Calendar, and Menu Planner from Mama Miss

Helping Kids to Choose Good Friends

February 14, 2014 by Selena Robinson 1 Comment

It all began when we sat down to have lunch as a family a few weeks ago. We decided to let the kids choose their own fruit for an after-lunch snack. Roo chose a banana, Tigger chose an apple, and Pooh chose a clementine.

We had purchased a crate of clementines a couple of weeks earlier, and there was one left. But it had sat in the crate for a few days, so Jay and I were a little skeptical about it still being good. Pooh insisted it was still good to eat, so we said okay.

As he peeled it, he said, “See? It’s still good, Dad!” And sure enough, it looked good.

But when he pulled it open, he found this at the very center.

As you can see, he didn’t think it was so good to eat then.

Jay decided to use the opportunity to talk about why it’s so important that we look at the inside qualities of our friends before we assume that they’re good people, simply because they look good on the outside.

After we discussed the importance of being selective about choosing friends, we watched the video “What’s a Real Friend” to learn which qualities we should look for in our friends. Most importantly, we want to have friends who will “stick closer than a brother”. (Proverbs 18:24) As the video showed, it’s important for kids not to just choose good friends, but to be good friends to others by taking a “personal interest” in them. (Philippians 2:4)

So, a regular midday meal turned in an impromptu lesson on friendship. But that’s the homeschooling life for you! 🙂

How do you help your kids to choose good friends and be good friends to others? Let us know in the comments!

Solving the Socialization Dilemma

September 12, 2013 by Selena Robinson 9 Comments

If you’ve ever mentioned the word homeschooling in public, you’ve probably heard at least one person express concern about “socialization”. True, these well-meaning individuals may not use the actual word, but they probably say things like this:

“Don’t they need to be around some other children their own age?”

“They need to get away from Mommy and Daddy and see what it’s really like out there.”

“If you don’t let them to get used to other kids, they’re not going to know how to talk to people.”

“You’re sheltering them from the real world by keeping them at home with you.”

It can be tempting to respond to these concerns with a snarky answer. Maybe something like “You spent time around other children and you clearly don’t know how to talk to people yet.” (Okay, that might be just MY personal fantasy response.) But there’s a hint of truth behind those statements.

All children need socialization, including homeschoolers. Interestingly, the definition of the word “socialize” is “to make social; especially, to fit or train for a social environment”. The difference for homeschooling families is in how we choose to provide training that for them.

Yes, Homeschoolers Need Socialization

I’ve heard some homeschooling parents argue that children don’t need socialization with other children at all. They might say that kids get plenty of socialization by talking to their neighbors and acquaintances through the course of the day. Speaking as a homeschooling graduate, I have to respectfully disagree with that sentiment.

I was taught at home from the age of 11 until graduation and I spent quite a bit of time talking with adults on a regular basis. In fact, I eventually became more comfortable with adults than I was with my peers. That’s fine in itself. The problem came, though, when I attended the first day of college. I took one step into the Student Lounge and nearly had a panic attack. I hadn’t been around a large group of people my own age in years and it was a terrifying experience. So I do believe that homeschooled children need socialization with all kinds of people: adults, older kids, younger kids, and their peers. Talking to the cashier at the grocery store just isn’t going to cut it.

Creating Socialization Opportunities Outside the Home

How do we find ways to get our children out and around during the course of homeschooling? Simple. Make it part of the school day. Check out the activity calendar for any local attractions in your area and make it a point to visit on days that are set aside for children or homeschoolers. We’ve gotten to attend museum days and public storytelling events around our area and our kids have enjoyed being out and around others. We also belong to an active homeschooling group that arranges park days, support meet-ups, and field trips.

During these activities, the kids have learned some valuable things they can’t at home – how to stand in line, how to sit quietly in a group (even when others are talking), how to speak up to ask for assistance when needed, and how to listen despite distractions. These are important skills that they’ll need throughout life.

Encouraging Socialization Inside the Family

Of course, all this time training our children to interact with other people won’t be worth a thing if they can’t interact well with each other. Good socialization habits begin in the home and, as parents, it’s our job to help our kids learn how to treat one another with respect, settle disputes, and show concern. Our two oldest children, Tigger and Pooh, have gotten into several spats over the years. He looks up to her, but doesn’t really want her to know it. She wants his approval, but tries to keep that a secret. It’s a never-ending saga.

Jay caught on to the pattern between the two of them early on and he’s worked with them constantly, trying to help them speak to each other honestly and with kindness. As a result, the daily squabbles have dwindled down to a couple times a week. We’re confident that, with time and training based on Bible principles, their relationship will become stronger. (We fully expect a similar dynamic between Roo and Piglet in the future, though.)

Solving the socialization dilemma doesn’t mean separating our kids from society and it doesn’t mean dropping them off into a group of their peers without preparation. We can do it by making opportunities to train them for social activities. And all that takes is being an involved homeschooling parent.

This post is part of the “Homeschooling and the S-Word (Socialization)” linkup at iHomesc hool Network! Click over to read great posts about homeschooling and socialization from our fellow bloggers!

Why I’m Holding My Child Back This Year

July 25, 2013 by Selena Robinson 20 Comments

Yep, I said it. I’m holding my child back a grade this year. And I don’t feel bad in the least for doing it. The interesting thing is – I’m not required to do this. She didn’t fail a test that resulted in her having to repeat a grade. She’s not exceptionally behind on anything. In fact, she’s probably ahead on several subjects, especially reading and language. So, why am I choosing to repeat a grade with her?

It’s mostly because of me. Last year was a very trying one in our homeschool. My husband’s employer suddenly became extremely demanding, requiring him to work 12-hour swing shifts five or six days a week. For about three or four months straight, he actually worked more than 70 hours weekly. To make things more difficult, I was also working full-time from home. To complicate matters further, we found out we were pregnant with Piglet, who was a wonderful gift but also a completely unexpected one.

As a result, I wasn’t as prepared for the school year as I would liked to have been. Third grade is a pretty important year for kids. It’s a marked transition from the seatwork of early grades to the critical thinking requirements of upper elementary grades. I don’t feel that Tigger is as prepared as she could be to move on beyond that and I have no desire to thrust her into that situation simply to follow a certain timeline. On this matter, I’m speaking from personal experience.

When I was 11, my mom decided that it would probably be best for me to be homeschooled. I liked elementary school, but I was excited about the opportunity to learn at home on my own schedule so I was looking forward to it. I took the placement test for Calvert School and the teachers suggested that I skip sixth grade and possibly even seventh, because it appeared that I was advanced enough to do so. My mom agreed but decided that I should go ahead and take seventh grade.

That’s when I found out that a lot of important math and English skills are taught in sixth grade. I know this because when the curriculum asked me to complete a basic pre-algebra equation or to diagram a sentence, I had no idea what those concepts meant. I struggled through seventh grade and eventually finished it, but it took me two years, completely erasing any “gains” I had made by skipping sixth grade.

The good thing for Tigger is that we started her in school a year early. Based on her birthday, she would just now be going into third grade in public school as well, so she’s technically not going to be “behind.” The truth is, though, I wouldn’t mind if she was. My concern is making sure my child is prepared for what is expected of her, not turning her into a case study for gifted homeschoolers.

Have you ever thought about having your child repeat a grade? Do you even bother teaching by grades at all? I’ve love to hear what you think in the comments. Keep on learning!

Homeschooling with ADHD: Considering the Other Kids

July 8, 2013 by Selena Robinson 3 Comments

Hi everyone! Thanks for stopping by to see us again this week! Today we’re wrapping up our series “Homeschooling with ADHD” by talking about the non-ADHD children in the family.

Since children with ADHD can be extremely unpredictable, it’s easy to spend an entire day just helping them to manage their emotions, work on their impulses, and communicate their feelings. Before you know it, your children who don’t have ADHD have gone an entire day without spending any meaningful time with you.

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Homeschooling with ADHD: Making Lifestyle Changes

July 1, 2013 by Selena Robinson 2 Comments

Good morning everyone! We’re off to a new week of learning in our family! As you know, we’re dealing with ADHD and we’ve been using various approaches to try to manage it without using medication. One of the ways that we’re finding to be helpful is by making lifestyle changes.

When I say “lifestyle changes”, I mean all parts of our lifestyle, including what we eat, watch, and do. There’s some disagreement over whether diet plays a role in ADHD symptoms among the medical community.

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