In the past week and a half, I have been approached by three separate women about the exact same topic: my daughter’s hair.
I have a three-year-old little girl. And, apparently, three is the age when little girls should start getting their hair “done”, meaning fashioned into some type of ornate style.
I don’t do that.
Furthermore, I do not understand when or how it became acceptable to approach a parent (generally a mom) and tell her she needs to “do” her daughter’s hair.
For the record, most people probably don’t this to other parents. But if you’re the kind of person who does, here’s a newsflash: My daughter’s hair is NONE of your business.
My Daughter’s Hair is None of Your Business
My three-year-old daughter, my 11-year-old daughter, and I all wear our hair in its natural state. We don’t use any types of relaxers, lye products, flat irons, or anything that changes the texture of our hair.
It’s not that I think these things are bad or wrong somehow. We just choose not to use them.
This means that our hair rarely ever looks “neat”. But it’s always clean, moisturized, and detangled.
This is what my three-year-old’s hair looks like on a typical day. For a special event last spring, I tried adding braids, ponytails, barrettes, etc to “do” her hair. Here’s what happened:
- She screamed and fidgeted the entire time – making a 10-minute task into an hour-long ordeal
- She rubbed the back of her hair against the car seat the entire time we were driving
- She sat in her chair at the event and ran her hands through her hair
- She laid down and took a nap halfway through
- She ran around with her older brothers for an hour afterward
The hairstyle that I painstakingly created lasted a total of 14 minutes (give or take) before it began to devolve into a frizzy mess.
Afterward, I realized: It’s just not worth it to “do” her hair at this age. At least not for me. Honestly, we’re talking about a three-year-old child here. I guarantee you that having her hair done is verrry low on her list of priorities.
And I pretty much took the same approach with my tween until she decided she wanted to do something in particular with her hair.
You know what IS worth it at this age?
- Teaching my girls to value themselves – as people, not mannequins
- Letting them be free to play and explore anything, not feeling like they can’t move for fear of “messing up” their hair
- Showing them how to appreciate the inner qualities of people, instead of superficially admiring a physical trait
And I will not apologize for refusing to think of getting their hair “done” as anywhere close to a priority in their lives.
I want to raise happy, confident young women who love living, no matter what kind of hair they were born with. And I think my husband and I are on the right track.
So if you want to give me a box of barrettes, a card for a local salon, or ask me why I don’t “do” their hair, expect me to respond by telling you that my daughter’s hair is none of your business.
Because it’s not.
Have you ever had someone imply that you should do “more” with your daughter’s hair? Did you feel bad or guilty? Did you get angry? I’d love to hear your experiences in the comments!
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